Recently I was talking to a friend (names retracted for privacy), and she was venting a bit about how hard finances are right now. That doesn't really surprise me, a LOT of people are struggling with money, including me and my hubby. Crazy, I know. Anyways, her and her hubby have been having issues and I was there to listen to her.
But it got me thinking, "how come people like to talk to someone else about marital problems?". You see, while they, like many others, have money issues, one of them talks to the parents about it. Normally that doesn't sound like a bad thing. But when one of you goes and tells your parents that it is frustrating you and making you mad and upset and you are just hurting over it, then things get bad.
When you tell someone your money problems so you can get help, that is different then complaining about and blaming your spouse for your money problems. If you need to, go to someone for help to fix your budget and find one that works for you.
Short of that though, don't complain to someone else.
Here are some reasons why:
- It Hurts. The short and simple truth. NO ONE wants to feel like they are a bad person and not doing all they can. Seriously though. It really can effect the emotional state of the person you are complaining about. They think that you think very little of them and that you can't trust them and that they are no good. That's a bad thing to feel about yourself.
- It's Personal. Your finances and how you budget them is personal. I know I said earlier to get help, but help with how to budget isn't the same as help with your money. You decide where your money goes, you decide what kind of debt you want. Someone else can just advise you on how to budget best, you turn around and make it personal. That being said, don't go complain to someone else.
- It Turns Them. When you complain to someone, a close friend or family member, especially parents, you can expect that person to automatically be on your side and defend you and to start to think less of your spouse. If you want your marriage to last, do not complain to someone else about something you need to discuss with your spouse.
- It Turns You. After a long time of complaining and nagging and seeing the bad, you start to only see that and eventually it turns you against your spouse. You don't want that. You really don't.
I have a picture that we got for our wedding that says, "Marriage requires falling in love many times. Always with the same person." To fall in love with someone over and over, you have to forgive the faults and move on. If it's harder said then done, then talk about it with your spouse and figure it out. Don't go complain to someone else and feed your negative feelings. By doing that you will more than likely end your marriage. Instead talk to your spouse and figure out how to compromise.
Well that's how I feel about that situation and I feel it can apply to more than just financial problems.