8/20/2013

Struggling for Motherhood

   So it's been a while since I have posted. That would be due to the fact that I am lazy. HAHA! Okay that isn't entirely true. While I have been tired and ready to be done being pregnant, I have also just not known really what to write about. But I was thinking, since I am SOOOO close to having a wonderful baby boy, I will write about what it took for me to get here.
   Disclaimer: I know that other peoples struggles are way WAY worse than mine. I understand that some people can't even get pregnant and that others have tried for way longer than me with no success. I don't mean to belittle anyone else's struggles or make light of the fact that some people do or do not struggle with this. Everyone has their own story. But this is my struggle and is a very personal one to me. Please be courteous and remember that I am not trying to offend anyone.
   Okay, so here is my story. It starts before I even got married (I didn't know this till later). So I have Mild Insulin Resistance, a condition that can do all sorts of weird stuff to one's body. (I'll do another post about this some other time and go into more detail.) So I didn't find this out though until just last year. My wonderful husband and I decided while we were still engaged that we would wait about 6 months or so to start trying to have children. FAIL! As soon as we were married we decided that we were just so happy that we wanted kids right away. Okay, well that didn't happen (obviously). So we decided to try and get pregnant. We tried keeping track of my period and ovulation schedules as best we could. Sadly though I have never been "regular" with my periods. Some people are lucky and know down to the day when they are starting. I was lucky if I guessed the right week. Sometimes my period would come early (like at three week intervals) and sometimes it would come late (the latest I went was I believe 2 months without it). So you can see how keeping track and trying to plan accordingly would be hard.
   I read things online about how to get pregnant easier and ways to track and plan accordingly to try. Most sites told me that it took average couples a year to get pregnant and that most doctors wouldn't even start testing for reasons why you couldn't until after that time. So my hubby and I decided to just keep trying and wait a year before we asked a doctor why we couldn't get pregnant. We both thought that surely it wouldn't take that long. Well, after about 8 months of trying with no success, we were getting a little downhearted about it. We both tried to keep our heads high, but with so many false alarms and negative pregnancy tests, it really was starting to bring us down. With my period out of whack we never knew whether or not I was pregnant or just late again. I will admit that it did make me cry at times.
   I have always ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. (Seriously, ask my friends.) I started thinking maybe I would never have a child that was mine and David's. Side note: I am not against adoption at all! In fact we want to maybe adopt some day and we would treat that child the same as all the others in our household, whether from us or not. But thinking that your body doesn't work how it should and that you can never have the experience of going through the pregnancy yourself, well, it does something to you. I would love any kid that I was blessed with the same as any other kid, but I so wanted to be pregnant and experience that feeling at least once in my life!
   Well a year came and went and still no baby. I didn't have health insurance so we couldn't go to a doctors office right away and figure out what as wrong and how to fix it. So about 4 months after the year mark we were able to get an appointment and go in to tell the doctors what was up. They did some blood work and weighed me and everything. They also told us not to worry too much because it can take people longer than a year to get pregnant. We tried not to worry and waited for the results. Que finding out I have Mild Insulin Resistance. When my doctor saw this she said that it was more than likely that that is why my periods have always been unpredictable and why we couldn't get pregnant. It's hard to time the right times to try when you don't have any idea when your body is actually ovulating or not.
   Among other things, Insulin Resistance can cause a women to have weird ovulation schedules and can make it hard to get pregnant. At this time I weighed 175 lbs. Not extremely overweight but for my height and age: above where I should have been. So my doctor told me to watch what I eat and start working out more to try and lose some of the weight and be at a healthy range for getting pregnant. This was in October. While I tried to do more exercising and watch what I ate, I really wasn't doing that good of a job. David and I had decided that we were going to stop stressing out about getting pregnant and just try to focus on us and life at the moment. We enjoyed each others company and tried to just deal with work and school at the moment.
  Well along comes January and with it, weight loss! I was finally trying a little harder to be better at exercising. (I am horrible a eating well... seriously, chips are my kryptonite.) Anyways, I lost about 5 lbs in just a few days. Then I lost another 5 lbs in another few days. I thought I was on fire! Then I got the flu. I was like, well crap! Now I cant work out and I will gain the weight back! Well, I thought that until I threw up a few times. Then I was like, maybe I wont gain it back. Anyways, I went to the doctors to get tested to make sure I did in fact have the flu and get medicine to treat it. Well, yeah I had the flu. My doctor asked me when my last period was and if I thought I might be pregnant. No, I did NOT think I was pregnant. (I was late but I had run out of the medicine they put me on to make me regular and so I thought that was why.)
   Okay, well because I had the flu they wanted to see if I was pregnant so that they could know which medicines to give me. I said okay, peed in a cup and then waited patiently to be told for the umpteenth time that I was not pregnant. Well, much to my surprise, she came back in and said that I was in fact pregnant. .... I was speechless! My eyes started to water and I just sat there looking at her. (I had a mask over my face due to having the flu, so she couldn't see that I was smiling.) She just went on to tell me that the test was an instant yes and that I needed to set up an appointment with a baby doctor (she wasn't one). So I left thanking her and basically running to the car to tell David that I was carrying his child in my tummy. Poor David was in math class at the time and extremely frustrated with what he was learning. I texted him to get out of class and call me. He wasn't happy about it. He called me and the first thing he said was: "this had better be important." (Not so much as a "hello, how are you?") That's okay though because all I could say was, "I'm pregnant." Which instantly knocked him off his feet (almost literally) and made him change his attitude promptly. He was SOOO excited! He told his teacher and because she is awesome, she said that class was ending early. So he rushed home to congratulate me and hear the details about what happened at the doctor's office.
  Pregnancy hasn't been a breeze, but its been a huge blessing for us. And being SO close to having our baby boy in my arms has made me that much more aware of how blessed I truly am to have created this life that's inside me. I am so thankful for this opportunity. I can't wait to get started! :) Not going to lie though, I am a little anxious about the whole thing. I know I'll make mistakes, but I pray that they are only small ones and nothing too big to handle.
  Thanks for reading guys! I will do my best to upload another blog soon! :)