4/22/2013

Committed? Or just not?

 My husband and I got this frame with the saying as a gift for our wedding. We have it hanging in our living room so that we can always see it and be reminded of what our commitment was the day we wed. I love this saying because it reminds me that, even though my husband and I are different people and we have different points of view, I have chosen to be committed to him. When my husband and I first married it wasn't the easiest life to get used to. We no longer lived on our own or with roommates, we could no longer do as we pleased. Suddenly we had someone else we had to think about and keep in mind. Now this can be a hard adjustment to make. When you shop for food, you shop for two, you now have to think about where your money is going, and you have to butt heads with this person as you adjust to the little things at home. 

There are so many things you do every day that you don't even realize will be a problem when you get married because you assume that you'll continue doing it your way. That is not the case. No two people do everything the same. There are times when you have to give and times when you have to take. These small things can be the beginning of problems for some couples. Sadly, some people have no desire to change, not even for the one they love; they put their own needs above that of their spouse. Now I am not saying that my husband and I are perfect, we had our struggles, but the one thing we got right was commitment. We decided before we were even married that the "D" word (divorce) would never ever be the solution.

I understand that their are real situations in which divorce is the answer; cheating and abuse (of any kind). But other problems can almost always be solved. Sometimes you can solve things on your own, sometimes you must seek counseling. Don't be ashamed to seek outside help, it can change your life. One thing I don't get is a prenuptial agreement. Why? Are you assuming this wont last? Yes, you are. People that go into a relationship like marriage with a pre-nup are basically saying they don't think this is going to last. Tell yourself all you want that its a "back up plan" a "just in case" safety net. Its not. You and your soon to be spouse are telling each other right then that neither one of you is 100% committed to this relationship. One or both of you thinks it will fail, so you need a plan when it does. Ouch! How little faith do you have in yourself or your spouse? Seriously? Committed people will try to the bitter end to make things last. And often times their is no bitter end; they remain together and happy. 

the Merriam-Webster dictionary says this about commitment:
a : an act of committing to a charge or trust

Wikipedia says this:
Commitment may refer to:


So you may look at these definitions and think "oh well, people promise things all the time and then break it." Well you may be right, not everyone can keep their promises, not even important ones. But to me and some of my friends, committing to another person is more than that. It isn't just a quick "I promise to love you till I don't anymore", it is a promise that no matter what life throws at us, we promise to be together and help each other through it. It doesn't matter if its the hardest thing we ever have to do, when we make a commitment it is for forever. It is a sacred bond sealed for eternity. 

"Marriage requires falling in love many times. Always with the same person."

That is why I love that quote. I am reminded that when times get rough and I am so angry at my husband or he at me or even us at the world, no matter what we never ever think of divorce. We only think of how to get through the obstacle together, how can we return to the love we had before; how can we fall in love again. Granted, we never fall out of love, but we sure as heck don't have it easy and there are times we don't like each other. I will always always always love my husband, but everyday in numerous ways, I fall in love with him again and again.

My friends and family have said this about commitment and what it means to them:

Summer Horenstein I think commitment in terms of marriage relationships means taking your vows or covenants seriously. It means being dedicated to your role as a husband/wife and earnestly striving to do your best. It means you don't want to fail; that you love being in love with your spouse and you want your relationship to last forever and keep getting better so you do what you can to make that happen.

Rob Drollinger I've learned we are blessed when we keep the Lord's commandments, and our covenants with Him, no matter what! It's easy when things go good. It's hard when we're struggling. It is most important for us to be true at all times. Same with marriages. You covenant with the Lord and your sweetheart that you will love them no matter what. You're love for them deepens as you make the choice to love them, even when we're upset and, since we're human, don't always feel like doing that. The Lord will heal us as we remain true to those things we covenant.

April Irish Having been married and divorced, I think commitment means respecting each other's bodies, minds, emotions, and beliefs, and proving to each other that no matter what, they are loved, even when they make mistakes. However, some mistakes are unforgivable (in my mind, abuse of any kind and cheating are the unforgivables). Relationships and marriages take lots of hard work, compromise, and respect to work out, from both sides.

I love what they have had to say because it is all so true. Marriage is a lot of hard work. But being committed is the key to getting through it. Think about this when you are thinking of getting married "can I commit to love this person and work to make it a happy life with them no matter what?". I hope that everyone is willing to do this with someone. Everyone needs to be loved. And if you are married and its been hard, think of the fun times you had when you were first married, before you were married; remember the feelings you had for that person on your wedding day. Those feelings aren't gone, maybe just buried a little. Dig them back up and keep on trying. Things will get better and when they do, you'll love that you and your spouse are still together to celebrate it.

One more thing: I hate the way celebrities treat marriage, like they can get married five times in three years and that's okay. It most certainly is not! No wonder marriage and its meaning is questioned today! We have people who are constantly observed by the world abusing it. Marriage is sacred. It should be treated as such.

Don't give up, instead get up and do better.

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